Wild at Heart

I love Wild at Heart. Please don't stop reading this blog and send me 3000 hate messages, I don't think it's a good program at all, it's not well made, it's unrealistic and the acting isn't that brilliant either. The thing is, I think it's really entertaining to watch, the bad camera angles make it funny, the script is so far fetched it's funny and the actings so bad it's almost good (if you see what I mean?). It's like the program is making fun of itself and that's what makes it perfect Sunday night television. You have to watch the 'oh so seriouse' Dancing On Ice but then sandwiched in the middle is the light hearted happy go lucky Wild at Heart. I think that's what is missing from todays television a bit of fun, they take everything so seriously, we need more programs like Wild at Heart; being chased by real life Elephants, having a leapord living in the house, a family that's almost too perfect and of course, a happy ending. 

Ice Skating, or lack of.

Yesterday I went ice skating. As soon as I told my mum I was going I could see the look of panic/horror spread across her face. As she and some of my more 'regualar readers' know I don't really give off an 'ice skater' vibe. It wasn't the first time I went ice skating, maybe the third or forth but from anyone observing me they would have thought I had never seen a sheet of ice in my life...
As me and my friends were walking up to the ice rink a thought occurred to me, how do you actually ice skate? It's not programed into our natural DNA and there is only so much Dancing On Ice can teach you. I put this question across to the group and my friend Meg replied with "You just kind of slide, it's like rollerskating". At this point I must add that last time I went rollerskating I nearly skidded into a main road and got hit by a van, luckily my friend caught me. "But I can't rollerskate" I replied the only phrase that Meg could think of that suited the moment was "oh dear" and she was right.

My first challenge was to put on my boots. This is a Blog in itself but I will try and condense it. Basically, after I had collected my boots of a tattooed and pierced 'youth' I found myself a place on the wooden benches and set about putting them on. First of all I had to get my head around how they actually went onto your foot. After secretly observing other people but theirs on I thought I had the knack of it. I didn't. It took me ten minutes of shouting, cursing, stamping, pulling and pushing to get my feet into the boots, they were a bit too big but I couldn't face putting another pair on so I hobbled off to find everyone else. I say hobbled because it is very difficult to walk on normal flooring with blades attached to your feet, why don't you just put the blades on before you step onto the ice? I think I'm the only sensible person on this planet.

At last it was time to get on the ice. Nervously I placed my right foot onto the rink, since when was ice so slippery? Then, I grabbed onto the bar for dear life and hauled my left foot up. For a few seconds I was paralysed, what could I do? I couldn't move, I couldn't go back and I defiantly couldn't 'just go' as the man behind me suggested. After spending a few minutes contemplating the value of life I started to slide myself forward. I slid my hand a few cementers along the bar then dragged my feet along to meet them. I did this for a whole lap- it took me at least 15 minutes.

My friend saw me struggling so she glided, yes glided, over to help me. She grabbed my arm, pulled me off the bar and dragged me round the ice. I have never been so scared in all my life. I was clutching onto her the whole time and screaming "We're going to die, stop, we're going to die!". In case you were wondering, we didn't die.

After 5 laps I was feeling a fraction more confident and started to shift my feet a little bit for myself rather than being pulled forward. Suddenly disaster struck, the two people in fornt of us slipped over and landed on the floor- how inconsiderate. This left us in an awkward situation because obviously it would be rude to skate over them but we didn't have enough time to stop. Then, without even asking my permission my friend let go off my arm and skated around them, this left me hurtling out of control around the other side of them, I was waving my arms around everywhere, desperately trying to stay upright. THUD! I hit the side bar. I had a massive stomach ache but I didn't care, I was still upright and I hadn't broken anything.

I decided it was selfish for my friend to be skating around with me for the whole time when she could clearly be jumping around at 100mph so I let her go. I wasn't on my own though another friend took me into her care, we skated around for a few laps but I think she then decided her limbs were more important than helping me to skate so she went off, I think I was becoming a liability.

Finally the man in charge shouted for everyone to get off the ice, well since I was around the other side of the rink it was another 10 minutes before I got off but still it was over. I was very pleased and as I hobbled back to the bench to remove my very fetching boots I realised, I didn't fall over! I may have caused several accidents but still, the First Aid man only had to come to one of them and I do rather think the lady was making too much fuss, it's only ice!

So, after recent events I can safely say that I will be crossing 'Proffesional Ice Skater' off my career list.

Who will leave the talent show this week? Let's ask the producers...

This is a rant. If you don't like rants then don't read it. Simple.

The X-factor must be fixed. I'm sorry to tell you but it is. This week a boy band went out. Why?! If you think about it logically, who is the main audience of the x-factor? Teenagers. What are half of those teenagers? Girls. What do teenage girls like? Boy bands. It doesn't make any sense. I bet the producers have it all planned out, who is going to leave when, when they are going to be in the bottom two against and which judges have to vote for each act. T.v is at it's worst.

Also, I am sick of 'double evictions'. I bet they only take place because the producers have just realised that they have one too many contestants for the number of weeks the show is running for and think to themselves, "Oh dear, we better get rid of an extra one this week". The other reason could be because X-factor's ratings are at an all time lower and they are now scraping the barrel for ideas to 'spice it up a bit'. I know X-factor! Why don't you just not run at all then we can all get on with our lives? I saw a rumour in a newspaper this week that next Saturday the judges are all going to swap categories. Are they really that desperate? Probably.

I am being a bit unfair to X-factor, all t.v talent shows are rubbish. Basically, they are a way for people to become 'famous' for all of six months, release an album, have it do quite well, release another album, have it do rubbish and then get dropped from their label. Their fame lasts about a year, max. They will then do a 'comeback tour' 5 years later, by that time everyone will have forgotten about them, so they won't sell any tickets, and then they find themselves back where they started. Working in a supermarket. Harsh but true.

The talent shows that start with z-list celebrities and try and make them famous again 'on ice' or 'dancing with a star' or 'in a jungle' are just weird. These people often did quite well in their day, so why on earth would they want to lower themselves to going on one of these talent shows is beyond me. Never mind, they can always come back the following year to judge it, I mentioning no names...

On the positive side, there is some good acts to have come out of talent shows, Diversity, Once Direction and JLS have all done well for themselves, which is great but the thing is, they could have done it without the show, it was just a way for them to get noticed.

So that's the end of my rant on talent shows, must dash, I'm halfway through my application form for 'The dancing on ice with a celebrity in the jungle factor'.