It's that wonderful time of year when the whole of the UKs teenagers go into a state of depression. Yes, that's right, it's exam time. Well, it will be in a couple of weeks but at the moment it's still revise-loads-even-though-we-don't-care-if-we-pass-or-not time. I hate revising because, for me at least, it's not revising at all, its learning. I have no recollection of learning anything at school that's in my science revision guide so I am having to teach myself and then revise it the next day. I have a vague memory of doing the things in my RE 'guide to sucesses' in class but to be honest all we do in RE is watch videos and argue.
This whole learning scenario has got me thinking, why do I bother going to school? I clearly don't learn anything that's in the exams so why don't I just stay at home and teach myself? Think about it, we're at school from 9am-3pm with 1hr 20 mins for break and lunch. If I worked while I ate my lunch and didn't have a break I could finish at 1:55! (If my maths serves me correctly). Also, the amount of time teachers spend doing the registers, checking our uniform and checking that we have all our equipment must come to at least half an hour and I wouldn't have to do any of that if I was at home. The majority of the school day is just time being wasted.
Anyway, I must dash I've got chemistry to learn/revise. Do you know anything about the 'Finacial benefits of the Harbour Process'? No, me neither.
Sunday 6 May 2012
Friday 23 March 2012
My interview
Today I had an interview at school. It wasn't really for anything it was just so we could 'get a feel for what an interview is like'. I know, the excuses our school makes are just ridiculous, we know what an interview is like now could you please give us an education rather than a 'fun interactive day'. Anyway, as I had no choice in the matter at 12:20 today I was sat in the library ready for my 'interview'.We had to dress in smart clothes which for the majority of my school means a new tracksuit that's not got a beer stain on it. I however, decided to be a bit more classy and wear a knee length skirt and a blazer. I'm not going to lie, I resembled a nun.
My interview didn't get off to a good start. I stood by the desk looking over at my interviewer. He was quite broad and I about 50 ish. Also, I don't think he was married because his suit was a bit crushed. As I stood there he was doing some paper work and failed to see me. So I coughed... tapped my foot and edged forward a bit, but there was still no response, to be honest I think he was a bit hard of hearing.
Once he a finally acknowledged my existence he shook my hand and invited me to sit down, about time too. He then proceeded to ask me what GCSE's I was taking. I now realise that saying "GCSE German" was a big mistake. He started to talk to me.. In German. Of course, my mind went completely blank and I couldn't even remember what 'Hello my name is Sarah' was. Actually, I was at a slight disadvantage because my interviewer was from Liverpool so he was speaking German in a scouse accent, it was quite something. I couldn't really make out what he was saying so I just smiled and hoped it wasn't a question.
The interview continued quite smoothly for a while, I had to list my 'personal qualities' and say what I did in my spare time, it wasn't a stereotypical interview at all. Then he asked me what I would bring to his company, so I answered. Then he asked me again "So, what will you bring to my company?" so I answered with what I had said before, re-phrased and gave him a slightly confused look. Then, to my horror, he asked me again "What will you bring to my company?". I just sat and stared at him, what a strange man. He then said to me "Sarah, this is why you must not let all your information go on the first question, you have nothing else to tell me". Now, correct me if I'm wrong but the standard procedure is to ask someone a question, listen to their answer and then move on, not to then repeat the question. Why would I need to hold any information back?
After this confusing ordeal he asked me if I had any questions for him. I had several but I didn't dare ask them, he was bigger than me. I really wanted to ask him "Do you often pretend you have a memory problem and speak in Scouse- German in order to confuse candidates at interviews or am I a one off?". Of course I just said "No" and stood up to shake his hand.
I hope my next interview has a little more English and the interviewer does not seem like he should not be in a mental hospital.
My interview didn't get off to a good start. I stood by the desk looking over at my interviewer. He was quite broad and I about 50 ish. Also, I don't think he was married because his suit was a bit crushed. As I stood there he was doing some paper work and failed to see me. So I coughed... tapped my foot and edged forward a bit, but there was still no response, to be honest I think he was a bit hard of hearing.
Once he a finally acknowledged my existence he shook my hand and invited me to sit down, about time too. He then proceeded to ask me what GCSE's I was taking. I now realise that saying "GCSE German" was a big mistake. He started to talk to me.. In German. Of course, my mind went completely blank and I couldn't even remember what 'Hello my name is Sarah' was. Actually, I was at a slight disadvantage because my interviewer was from Liverpool so he was speaking German in a scouse accent, it was quite something. I couldn't really make out what he was saying so I just smiled and hoped it wasn't a question.
The interview continued quite smoothly for a while, I had to list my 'personal qualities' and say what I did in my spare time, it wasn't a stereotypical interview at all. Then he asked me what I would bring to his company, so I answered. Then he asked me again "So, what will you bring to my company?" so I answered with what I had said before, re-phrased and gave him a slightly confused look. Then, to my horror, he asked me again "What will you bring to my company?". I just sat and stared at him, what a strange man. He then said to me "Sarah, this is why you must not let all your information go on the first question, you have nothing else to tell me". Now, correct me if I'm wrong but the standard procedure is to ask someone a question, listen to their answer and then move on, not to then repeat the question. Why would I need to hold any information back?
After this confusing ordeal he asked me if I had any questions for him. I had several but I didn't dare ask them, he was bigger than me. I really wanted to ask him "Do you often pretend you have a memory problem and speak in Scouse- German in order to confuse candidates at interviews or am I a one off?". Of course I just said "No" and stood up to shake his hand.
I hope my next interview has a little more English and the interviewer does not seem like he should not be in a mental hospital.
Sunday 11 March 2012
Bit of a deep blog...
"If practise makes perfect
But nobody's perfect,
Why practise?"
I think this quote is really quite negative. It's basically saying there is no point trying because you'll never be perfect. However, doesn't it all come down to how you define perfection? Is it being the best that you can be or being the best person in the world? For me it's being the best that you can be. I'll never be the best dancer in the world but I still practise because I want to be the best that I can possibly be. What's so wrong with that?
But nobody's perfect,
Why practise?"
I think this quote is really quite negative. It's basically saying there is no point trying because you'll never be perfect. However, doesn't it all come down to how you define perfection? Is it being the best that you can be or being the best person in the world? For me it's being the best that you can be. I'll never be the best dancer in the world but I still practise because I want to be the best that I can possibly be. What's so wrong with that?
Saturday 10 March 2012
I'm back!
Hello again everyone! What a strange sensatiation this is- me blogging!
I'm really sorry I have been away for years but I have been super duper busy with exams and stuff. (stuff meaning all of life's other challenges).
My exams went rather well, I got an A* in German (yarrr) and an A* in R:E (Amen). I got a C in maths which is quite bad but I have decided C stands for 'Couldn't care less anyway' so it's all fine. I didn't do that well in English really, I got an A but that's only because I did well on the creative writing bit, on the other questions I did quite badly. One of the questions was 'How does the title link to the text?',now, am I missing something here or is that really obvious? The title tells you what the text is about. Anyway, I put that and I only got a couple of marks.
Enough about me, how are you? Oh yes, you can't reply to me, oh well, more about me then...
Next weekend I go to PGL (but my mum and dad are still at home so please don't burgle my house) which is an adventure holiday thingy. I'm not telling you which one I'm going to so you can't come and abduct me. I will probably blog about it when I get back but I'm not promising anything because most things I say I will blog about never get blogged.
My mother has bought a slow cooker. Oh dear. She talks about it so much I think she's going to divorce my dad and marry it. Seriously, all I have heard for the past week is "Slow cooker" this and "Slow cooker" that. I'm secretly hoping the novelty will wear off soon.
My dad is 51 next week and I have written him a poem to celebrate. I will post it on here after he has read it because I don't want the Internet seeing it before he does. He is also having an mp3 player and some socks. He is having an mp3 player because he doesn't get on with Itunes. You see, he had my old purple Ipod (he's not fussy about colour) but every time he plugs it into the computer he just swears and pulls it out again- very strange. I do agree with him though, Itunes is a bit of a pain in the neck, even the easiest of things are so hard to do.
Right, I better go now and run my mother a bath (child labour) byyyyyyyyye!
I'm really sorry I have been away for years but I have been super duper busy with exams and stuff. (stuff meaning all of life's other challenges).
My exams went rather well, I got an A* in German (yarrr) and an A* in R:E (Amen). I got a C in maths which is quite bad but I have decided C stands for 'Couldn't care less anyway' so it's all fine. I didn't do that well in English really, I got an A but that's only because I did well on the creative writing bit, on the other questions I did quite badly. One of the questions was 'How does the title link to the text?',now, am I missing something here or is that really obvious? The title tells you what the text is about. Anyway, I put that and I only got a couple of marks.
Enough about me, how are you? Oh yes, you can't reply to me, oh well, more about me then...
Next weekend I go to PGL (but my mum and dad are still at home so please don't burgle my house) which is an adventure holiday thingy. I'm not telling you which one I'm going to so you can't come and abduct me. I will probably blog about it when I get back but I'm not promising anything because most things I say I will blog about never get blogged.
My mother has bought a slow cooker. Oh dear. She talks about it so much I think she's going to divorce my dad and marry it. Seriously, all I have heard for the past week is "Slow cooker" this and "Slow cooker" that. I'm secretly hoping the novelty will wear off soon.
My dad is 51 next week and I have written him a poem to celebrate. I will post it on here after he has read it because I don't want the Internet seeing it before he does. He is also having an mp3 player and some socks. He is having an mp3 player because he doesn't get on with Itunes. You see, he had my old purple Ipod (he's not fussy about colour) but every time he plugs it into the computer he just swears and pulls it out again- very strange. I do agree with him though, Itunes is a bit of a pain in the neck, even the easiest of things are so hard to do.
Right, I better go now and run my mother a bath (child labour) byyyyyyyyye!
Sunday 5 February 2012
I thought you would like to see...
My school has recently made a massive mistake. They
have given us the wrong dates for our work experience, not once, not twice, but
3 times. I am going to a magazine office for my week so I have had to email them
3 times saying that "I am sorry but my school has made a mistake, again". This
time I got so frustrated that I composed a more direct email. Unfortunately, my
dad wouldn't let me send it but I thought you would like to see it
anyway;
Dear ---
Yet again I am emailing you to tell you that my school are really thick and they couldn' t organise an egg and spoon race. To be honest my head teacher should be emailing you now although if I asked him to he wouldn't get round to it until after I had left the school so evidently there is no point asking him.
Also, it would be really helpful if you could write a bad review about my school in your magazine, this would mean that the school would probably have to close down and I could leave early YAY.
I conclusion, my school is stupid and I think I could run it better. Actually, I think I do basically run it because they only seam to get things done when I go and ask sometime persistently or my dad writes them a nasty email. Of course, I never would run that place, put my name by an instutuaon like that, I don't think so.
Yours Sincerly,
Sarah
I must stress that I didn't send this email but I was ready to!
Dear ---
Yet again I am emailing you to tell you that my school are really thick and they couldn' t organise an egg and spoon race. To be honest my head teacher should be emailing you now although if I asked him to he wouldn't get round to it until after I had left the school so evidently there is no point asking him.
Also, it would be really helpful if you could write a bad review about my school in your magazine, this would mean that the school would probably have to close down and I could leave early YAY.
I conclusion, my school is stupid and I think I could run it better. Actually, I think I do basically run it because they only seam to get things done when I go and ask sometime persistently or my dad writes them a nasty email. Of course, I never would run that place, put my name by an instutuaon like that, I don't think so.
Yours Sincerly,
Sarah
I must stress that I didn't send this email but I was ready to!
Saturday 4 February 2012
I AM ALIVE
Hello everyone, long time no speak! Just a quick update to say that
A) I am not dead
B) I am still 'blogging'
C) I am not blogging at the moment because...
Stupid exams. I have an exam in every subject within the next month but they aren't even propper exams, they aren't even mock exams, they are exams for the sake of it. Either that or they are so the teachers can say "oh look they have improved since September, we taught them something! How exiting!". Anyway, it is really tempting to not revise for these exams purely to not give my teachers the satisfaction because, let's face it, you only get good marks if you learn it yourself. Unfortunately, my mother has other ideas so for the next week and a bit I will be missing in action, sorry.
I can tell you that when I am back into the swing of blogging I have a review, a barn dancing blog and a snow blog, so... Erm... You can look forward to those... If you want to... If you even care.
A) I am not dead
B) I am still 'blogging'
C) I am not blogging at the moment because...
Stupid exams. I have an exam in every subject within the next month but they aren't even propper exams, they aren't even mock exams, they are exams for the sake of it. Either that or they are so the teachers can say "oh look they have improved since September, we taught them something! How exiting!". Anyway, it is really tempting to not revise for these exams purely to not give my teachers the satisfaction because, let's face it, you only get good marks if you learn it yourself. Unfortunately, my mother has other ideas so for the next week and a bit I will be missing in action, sorry.
I can tell you that when I am back into the swing of blogging I have a review, a barn dancing blog and a snow blog, so... Erm... You can look forward to those... If you want to... If you even care.
Monday 23 January 2012
This is a very boring blog
**If you read my last blog I thought you might like to know my book is no more. I started to write it on a draft email because I don't have Microsoft Word on my laptop, my email then decided that it was going to create an 'unknown error' and it won't let me view the message. Technology has failed me again.**
I don't really know what this blog is about so I'm just going to ramble until I have filled enough space for this to be a decent length, I apologise if it is extremely boring. Today my English classroom got new chairs and tables. This may seem like an everyday occurrence until I tell you that the chairs are MULTI-COLOURED! They are the coolest thing ever, I sat on a green one, it was great. Although they might be the best thing my school has ever spent money on, the aren't very academic are they? They're not really going to get us better grades at GCSE and they aren't really helping our 'life skills' but hey, they are MULTI-COLOURED CHAIRS!
Today I had P:E and we had to do circuit training. This does mean however, I actually did any circuit training. Don't get me wrong, i did try to do all the activities but after about 20 seconds I just gave up, too much pain, not enough gain. I attempted to do press-ups, I will never attempt to do them again. Why were these dreadful things invented? I thought everyone would be as bad as me but no, they weren't. After I had finished my set someone a lot fitter than me had a go. It really did put me to shame- she just kept going! No sign of tiring just an even rhythm; one, two, three four, five..... Mine however was more like; one, have a break, two, contemplate the existence of life, three, oh dear the whistles gone.
By the way, I have a German exam coming up (not that you care) so please expect a rant about that, possibly within the hour as I am about to start revising now- I need a good head start. This time we have to write an essay, learn it, then speak it to our teachers in a 'controlled environment'. What a load of rubbish. Yes, by the end I will be able to tell you all about what I did last weekend in German but is that really going to help me in life? Wouldn't it be better to make us learn more useful things like how to say "I need an ambulance" or "My house is on fire" or "Please officer it wasn't me".
I think they should put me in charge of all exams- and on that scary mental image, goodbye!
I don't really know what this blog is about so I'm just going to ramble until I have filled enough space for this to be a decent length, I apologise if it is extremely boring. Today my English classroom got new chairs and tables. This may seem like an everyday occurrence until I tell you that the chairs are MULTI-COLOURED! They are the coolest thing ever, I sat on a green one, it was great. Although they might be the best thing my school has ever spent money on, the aren't very academic are they? They're not really going to get us better grades at GCSE and they aren't really helping our 'life skills' but hey, they are MULTI-COLOURED CHAIRS!
Today I had P:E and we had to do circuit training. This does mean however, I actually did any circuit training. Don't get me wrong, i did try to do all the activities but after about 20 seconds I just gave up, too much pain, not enough gain. I attempted to do press-ups, I will never attempt to do them again. Why were these dreadful things invented? I thought everyone would be as bad as me but no, they weren't. After I had finished my set someone a lot fitter than me had a go. It really did put me to shame- she just kept going! No sign of tiring just an even rhythm; one, two, three four, five..... Mine however was more like; one, have a break, two, contemplate the existence of life, three, oh dear the whistles gone.
By the way, I have a German exam coming up (not that you care) so please expect a rant about that, possibly within the hour as I am about to start revising now- I need a good head start. This time we have to write an essay, learn it, then speak it to our teachers in a 'controlled environment'. What a load of rubbish. Yes, by the end I will be able to tell you all about what I did last weekend in German but is that really going to help me in life? Wouldn't it be better to make us learn more useful things like how to say "I need an ambulance" or "My house is on fire" or "Please officer it wasn't me".
I think they should put me in charge of all exams- and on that scary mental image, goodbye!
Wednesday 18 January 2012
SOPA and PIPA
Over the past few days there has been Internet rumours about SOPA and PIPA and how they could destroy the Internet and so on. I thought this was just a rumour until... WIKIPEDIA CLOSED! It's not forever and technically it's just being "Blacked out" but still, NO WIKIPEDIA! I think the point of it is that we learn what it would be like if this SOPA and PIPA thing went ahead but I'm not really sure .
This leads nicely on to my next point (see, I do 'plan' these blogs) what actually is SOPA and PIPA? I know it's something to do with copyright and if it went ahead there wouldn't be any twitter/YouTube/Facebook/wikipedia but what actually is it? If someone reading this knows please could they comment and tell me because I'm SO CONFUSED!
Also, yesterday it was all about SOPA and PIPA but today everything seems to just be about SOPA so has PIPA been cancelled? Or doesn't it matter? Or has everyone just forgotten about it?
I need answers please, I don't understand what's going on!
This leads nicely on to my next point (see, I do 'plan' these blogs) what actually is SOPA and PIPA? I know it's something to do with copyright and if it went ahead there wouldn't be any twitter/YouTube/Facebook/wikipedia but what actually is it? If someone reading this knows please could they comment and tell me because I'm SO CONFUSED!
Also, yesterday it was all about SOPA and PIPA but today everything seems to just be about SOPA so has PIPA been cancelled? Or doesn't it matter? Or has everyone just forgotten about it?
I need answers please, I don't understand what's going on!
Please don't kill me
I am writing a book, don't shoot me. I have always said that I couldn't write a book because I would get half way through then get board and stop. I did once write the first bit of a book but my computer crashed and I lost it, that's why I hate technology. Anyway, I am writing a book despite the fact I will probably get board and a piece technology of I need to write it on will die I am going to do it- so there. I have written the first paragraph of the first chapter (I know, I work at speed) and I might put it on here once I have edited it and got a piece of technology to check the spelling (the version of Microsoft Word I have on my laptop wont check spelling- bizarre).
On a side note, I am ill.
On another side note, I had to do a form assembly today on Martin Luther King; great man, awful assembly. I had to read a paragraph about The Civil Rights Movement, my form teacher had written it terribly so I wrote it again myslef- can't get the staff these days.
On a side note, I am ill.
On another side note, I had to do a form assembly today on Martin Luther King; great man, awful assembly. I had to read a paragraph about The Civil Rights Movement, my form teacher had written it terribly so I wrote it again myslef- can't get the staff these days.
Sunday 15 January 2012
Wild at Heart
I love Wild at Heart. Please don't stop reading this blog and send me 3000 hate messages, I don't think it's a good program at all, it's not well made, it's unrealistic and the acting isn't that brilliant either. The thing is, I think it's really entertaining to watch, the bad camera angles make it funny, the script is so far fetched it's funny and the actings so bad it's almost good (if you see what I mean?). It's like the program is making fun of itself and that's what makes it perfect Sunday night television. You have to watch the 'oh so seriouse' Dancing On Ice but then sandwiched in the middle is the light hearted happy go lucky Wild at Heart. I think that's what is missing from todays television a bit of fun, they take everything so seriously, we need more programs like Wild at Heart; being chased by real life Elephants, having a leapord living in the house, a family that's almost too perfect and of course, a happy ending.
Tuesday 10 January 2012
That twitter thing
Hello everyone!
Yesterday I made a brave decission, I created a twitter account. You can follow me @teenagedazeblog and there is a link on my profile. For those of you who don't know what twitter is it's basically a website where you can share you latest thoughts and what you are doing in 140 charactors or less- this is known as a tweet. You might have noticed you see hashtags at the start of program such as Have I Got News For You (#hignfy) this is to tell people if they add this to their tweets people know what your tweeting about and if enough people tweet it it 'trends'. So far I have 11 followers but I've only been on it 24 hours, I think I'm doing rather well.
I am planning a 'twitter for idiots' blog soon so watch out for that and I'll see you on twitter...
(I know most people know what twitter is but I know for a fact I have several readers who aren't quite in the 'modern age' yet).
Yesterday I made a brave decission, I created a twitter account. You can follow me @teenagedazeblog and there is a link on my profile. For those of you who don't know what twitter is it's basically a website where you can share you latest thoughts and what you are doing in 140 charactors or less- this is known as a tweet. You might have noticed you see hashtags at the start of program such as Have I Got News For You (#hignfy) this is to tell people if they add this to their tweets people know what your tweeting about and if enough people tweet it it 'trends'. So far I have 11 followers but I've only been on it 24 hours, I think I'm doing rather well.
I am planning a 'twitter for idiots' blog soon so watch out for that and I'll see you on twitter...
(I know most people know what twitter is but I know for a fact I have several readers who aren't quite in the 'modern age' yet).
Sunday 8 January 2012
Ice Skating, or lack of.
Yesterday I went ice skating. As soon as I told my mum I was going I could see the look of panic/horror spread across her face. As she and some of my more 'regualar readers' know I don't really give off an 'ice skater' vibe. It wasn't the first time I went ice skating, maybe the third or forth but from anyone observing me they would have thought I had never seen a sheet of ice in my life...
As me and my friends were walking up to the ice rink a thought occurred to me, how do you actually ice skate? It's not programed into our natural DNA and there is only so much Dancing On Ice can teach you. I put this question across to the group and my friend Meg replied with "You just kind of slide, it's like rollerskating". At this point I must add that last time I went rollerskating I nearly skidded into a main road and got hit by a van, luckily my friend caught me. "But I can't rollerskate" I replied the only phrase that Meg could think of that suited the moment was "oh dear" and she was right.
My first challenge was to put on my boots. This is a Blog in itself but I will try and condense it. Basically, after I had collected my boots of a tattooed and pierced 'youth' I found myself a place on the wooden benches and set about putting them on. First of all I had to get my head around how they actually went onto your foot. After secretly observing other people but theirs on I thought I had the knack of it. I didn't. It took me ten minutes of shouting, cursing, stamping, pulling and pushing to get my feet into the boots, they were a bit too big but I couldn't face putting another pair on so I hobbled off to find everyone else. I say hobbled because it is very difficult to walk on normal flooring with blades attached to your feet, why don't you just put the blades on before you step onto the ice? I think I'm the only sensible person on this planet.
At last it was time to get on the ice. Nervously I placed my right foot onto the rink, since when was ice so slippery? Then, I grabbed onto the bar for dear life and hauled my left foot up. For a few seconds I was paralysed, what could I do? I couldn't move, I couldn't go back and I defiantly couldn't 'just go' as the man behind me suggested. After spending a few minutes contemplating the value of life I started to slide myself forward. I slid my hand a few cementers along the bar then dragged my feet along to meet them. I did this for a whole lap- it took me at least 15 minutes.
My friend saw me struggling so she glided, yes glided, over to help me. She grabbed my arm, pulled me off the bar and dragged me round the ice. I have never been so scared in all my life. I was clutching onto her the whole time and screaming "We're going to die, stop, we're going to die!". In case you were wondering, we didn't die.
After 5 laps I was feeling a fraction more confident and started to shift my feet a little bit for myself rather than being pulled forward. Suddenly disaster struck, the two people in fornt of us slipped over and landed on the floor- how inconsiderate. This left us in an awkward situation because obviously it would be rude to skate over them but we didn't have enough time to stop. Then, without even asking my permission my friend let go off my arm and skated around them, this left me hurtling out of control around the other side of them, I was waving my arms around everywhere, desperately trying to stay upright. THUD! I hit the side bar. I had a massive stomach ache but I didn't care, I was still upright and I hadn't broken anything.
I decided it was selfish for my friend to be skating around with me for the whole time when she could clearly be jumping around at 100mph so I let her go. I wasn't on my own though another friend took me into her care, we skated around for a few laps but I think she then decided her limbs were more important than helping me to skate so she went off, I think I was becoming a liability.
Finally the man in charge shouted for everyone to get off the ice, well since I was around the other side of the rink it was another 10 minutes before I got off but still it was over. I was very pleased and as I hobbled back to the bench to remove my very fetching boots I realised, I didn't fall over! I may have caused several accidents but still, the First Aid man only had to come to one of them and I do rather think the lady was making too much fuss, it's only ice!
So, after recent events I can safely say that I will be crossing 'Proffesional Ice Skater' off my career list.
As me and my friends were walking up to the ice rink a thought occurred to me, how do you actually ice skate? It's not programed into our natural DNA and there is only so much Dancing On Ice can teach you. I put this question across to the group and my friend Meg replied with "You just kind of slide, it's like rollerskating". At this point I must add that last time I went rollerskating I nearly skidded into a main road and got hit by a van, luckily my friend caught me. "But I can't rollerskate" I replied the only phrase that Meg could think of that suited the moment was "oh dear" and she was right.
My first challenge was to put on my boots. This is a Blog in itself but I will try and condense it. Basically, after I had collected my boots of a tattooed and pierced 'youth' I found myself a place on the wooden benches and set about putting them on. First of all I had to get my head around how they actually went onto your foot. After secretly observing other people but theirs on I thought I had the knack of it. I didn't. It took me ten minutes of shouting, cursing, stamping, pulling and pushing to get my feet into the boots, they were a bit too big but I couldn't face putting another pair on so I hobbled off to find everyone else. I say hobbled because it is very difficult to walk on normal flooring with blades attached to your feet, why don't you just put the blades on before you step onto the ice? I think I'm the only sensible person on this planet.
At last it was time to get on the ice. Nervously I placed my right foot onto the rink, since when was ice so slippery? Then, I grabbed onto the bar for dear life and hauled my left foot up. For a few seconds I was paralysed, what could I do? I couldn't move, I couldn't go back and I defiantly couldn't 'just go' as the man behind me suggested. After spending a few minutes contemplating the value of life I started to slide myself forward. I slid my hand a few cementers along the bar then dragged my feet along to meet them. I did this for a whole lap- it took me at least 15 minutes.
My friend saw me struggling so she glided, yes glided, over to help me. She grabbed my arm, pulled me off the bar and dragged me round the ice. I have never been so scared in all my life. I was clutching onto her the whole time and screaming "We're going to die, stop, we're going to die!". In case you were wondering, we didn't die.
After 5 laps I was feeling a fraction more confident and started to shift my feet a little bit for myself rather than being pulled forward. Suddenly disaster struck, the two people in fornt of us slipped over and landed on the floor- how inconsiderate. This left us in an awkward situation because obviously it would be rude to skate over them but we didn't have enough time to stop. Then, without even asking my permission my friend let go off my arm and skated around them, this left me hurtling out of control around the other side of them, I was waving my arms around everywhere, desperately trying to stay upright. THUD! I hit the side bar. I had a massive stomach ache but I didn't care, I was still upright and I hadn't broken anything.
I decided it was selfish for my friend to be skating around with me for the whole time when she could clearly be jumping around at 100mph so I let her go. I wasn't on my own though another friend took me into her care, we skated around for a few laps but I think she then decided her limbs were more important than helping me to skate so she went off, I think I was becoming a liability.
Finally the man in charge shouted for everyone to get off the ice, well since I was around the other side of the rink it was another 10 minutes before I got off but still it was over. I was very pleased and as I hobbled back to the bench to remove my very fetching boots I realised, I didn't fall over! I may have caused several accidents but still, the First Aid man only had to come to one of them and I do rather think the lady was making too much fuss, it's only ice!
So, after recent events I can safely say that I will be crossing 'Proffesional Ice Skater' off my career list.
Sunday 1 January 2012
New Years Eve
Happy new year everybody! 2012- we're getting on a bit now aren't we? However you celebrated I hope you had a great New Years Eve and today I am going to tell you a bit about mine.
6:45pm: Family W and Family M arrive note, I am using code names because the internet is a dangerous place. The families are welcomed into my house by my mad dog and even madder family.
7pm: Everyone is settled down with a drink, I swear my mother bought all the drinks in Tesco so there was 'plenty of options'. The presents are distributed between the children, we have our presents from Family W and Family M at new year because... because... well I don't really know why to be honest.
8pm: Food time! We had a Chinese takeaway because we like to live life on the edge at my house. I have fried rice, lemon chicken, duck and chips and I just keep filling my bowl up with those things until I physically can't eat anything else. My brother bought up the topic of how conjoined twins go to the toilet, just a normal family meal time really.
8:30pm: Finally, finally, they let us have pudding. We had Baileys cheesecake, meringues and trifle. I had meringues because I refuse to have pudding with alcohol in it and I really don't understand the concept of trifle. Why do people feel the need to mix about ten different puddings into the same bowl? My brother, on the other hand, thinks it's a gift from God himself.
9pm: The children had a nerve fight. For those of you who are not 'down with the kids' I'd better explain; basically you have a plastic gun that fires foam darts out of it and you have to run wildly round the house shooting people. Needless to say this game has been banned many times.
10:30pm: The infamous quiz took place. We take 'The Quiz' very seriously on new years eve. My mum puts questions in each of the rooms downstairs in our house and you and your partner have to go round answering all the questions. Unfortunately, this can get a little out of hand, past incidence include: Stealing helpful books from the bookshelf, riping the questions up, hiding the questions and Googling questions (this year my mum turned the Internet off just in case).
Midnight: At midnight we had sparklers and the traditional game of midnight football, please tell me everybody does this?
1am: We had a dancing competition on the Wii. I was just thinking, when you are on a game like that you do everything it tells you, regardless of how stupid you look. If it tells you to shimmy, you shimmy, no questions asked.
2am: Everybody went home and I went to bed, too much excitement for one night.
6:45pm: Family W and Family M arrive note, I am using code names because the internet is a dangerous place. The families are welcomed into my house by my mad dog and even madder family.
7pm: Everyone is settled down with a drink, I swear my mother bought all the drinks in Tesco so there was 'plenty of options'. The presents are distributed between the children, we have our presents from Family W and Family M at new year because... because... well I don't really know why to be honest.
8pm: Food time! We had a Chinese takeaway because we like to live life on the edge at my house. I have fried rice, lemon chicken, duck and chips and I just keep filling my bowl up with those things until I physically can't eat anything else. My brother bought up the topic of how conjoined twins go to the toilet, just a normal family meal time really.
8:30pm: Finally, finally, they let us have pudding. We had Baileys cheesecake, meringues and trifle. I had meringues because I refuse to have pudding with alcohol in it and I really don't understand the concept of trifle. Why do people feel the need to mix about ten different puddings into the same bowl? My brother, on the other hand, thinks it's a gift from God himself.
9pm: The children had a nerve fight. For those of you who are not 'down with the kids' I'd better explain; basically you have a plastic gun that fires foam darts out of it and you have to run wildly round the house shooting people. Needless to say this game has been banned many times.
10:30pm: The infamous quiz took place. We take 'The Quiz' very seriously on new years eve. My mum puts questions in each of the rooms downstairs in our house and you and your partner have to go round answering all the questions. Unfortunately, this can get a little out of hand, past incidence include: Stealing helpful books from the bookshelf, riping the questions up, hiding the questions and Googling questions (this year my mum turned the Internet off just in case).
Midnight: At midnight we had sparklers and the traditional game of midnight football, please tell me everybody does this?
1am: We had a dancing competition on the Wii. I was just thinking, when you are on a game like that you do everything it tells you, regardless of how stupid you look. If it tells you to shimmy, you shimmy, no questions asked.
2am: Everybody went home and I went to bed, too much excitement for one night.
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