Hello hello hello

(without wishing to repeat myself) Hello! Sorry I've taken a bit of a break from the old blogging over christmas but I'm back on track now, promise! Tomorrow I'm going shopping (sorry dad) so I will defiantly blog my experience of shopping in the sales (help me).

If you were wondering, which you probably weren't, what I had for christmas I'm not going to make a blog post in case people think I'm bragging but I will say I had a phone that shares its name with a fruit...

Funny story: for Christmas I had Ed Sheerans album (I just contradicted myself didn't I...) and within 24hrs it was stolen... STOLEN, from me by my own father. We live in an evil world.

School worries me

Yesterday I was given my 'interim report' from school. This is basically a letter that says all your levels, if you are on target or not and if you are putting enough effort in. Basically, it's so school can tell OFSTED they have given us reports without actually writing reports.

Anyway, my interim was bad. They said I was on a B in English and in Maths- this is a lie. I have never in my life got a B in either subject, just A's and A*'s. I think it's so when I get an A again in year 11 they can say "Look! She made progress, we have taught her something, aren't we clever". They also said I was off target in ICT, I got a merit. Personally, I would be very happy with a merit in ICT as I have no plans to work in computers and the only website I ever use is Google.

The funny thing is these reports are so contradictory. Firstly, all the subjects I was apparently 'off target' for I had the highest effort grades in. Also, and here's the really worrying thing, after being told I was off target in ICT guess what came in the post this morning? I postcard saying how well I was doing in ICT. School worries me.

Have you ever read a blog?

This is a rant, if you don't like rants don't read this, go and read a blog about flower arranging or something.

It really annoys me how people who have never read a blog think they know everything there is to know about blogging and think they have the right to judge it. They say things like 'why would you have a blog?' well, it's better than sitting at home all the time watching 'Big Brother' and eating chips isn't it? The thing that gets me is 99% of those people have never read a blog. That's like saying a song is rubbish without even listening to it. To be honest it's just plain ignorance.

If you have read a blog and you still don't like them, fair enough, everyone is entitled to their own opinion but please try and be a bit respectful about how you put it across. Would you like it if I spoke about 'I'm a celebrity' the way you speak about blogging? No? Then sit down and shut up.

Before you give me the old 'Who reads blogs anyway?' Hundreds, no thousands of people read blogs everyday so please check your facts before you say anything.

If you have made it this far into my rant you are a very brave person, I salute you. Happy blogging.

** I am not trying to offend anyone who watches the television programs mentioned above or any activities mentioned. **

How to pass a German exam

Today was my German exam, the one I blogged about the other day. Surprisingly, it went rather well, I had a couple a blank moments but overall I was happy. I did find it easier they gave us dictionaries, don't get me wrong, I completely disagree with the fact they give us dictionaries in language exams but it did make it so much easier. For example, like us German's have different words for different tenses e.g eat and ate. Unfortunately, in the exam I couldn't remember the German words then I realised my dictionary listed them all! Perfect. All I had to do was work out what tenses were what then I was away, oh the joys of having a big dictionary.

I did use it for spellings too obviously...

Also, I finished half an hour early so I amused myself my watching everyone trying to remember their essays, if you ever have a spare 5 minutes an exam this is such an entertaining experience. Well, it was until a teacher realised what I was doing so then I decided to look up random words in my dictionary. Did you know 'bloggen' in German means 'to blog'- you learn something knew everyday.

Thought for the day

Today my friend asked me "Sarah, would you have a mid life crisis at 40 or 50, if you had a choice?" Please don't ask me why she said this but it really got me thinking...

I have come to the conclusion that I would defiantly not have one at 50 because that's basically saying you think you will live to 100 (50 is half of 100, I think) and I find that rather big headed. So that leaves the other option, 40. I still think it's a bit big headed saying your going to live until 80 but by having it at 40 it gives you longer to recover and 'turn your life around'.

I think I should write a self help book.

**this blog is a joke please do not take offence, I know mid life crises can be very serious.**

Here is one I wrote earlier

I wrote this poem on a bus, at 4am, in about 5 minutes so please don't expect anything brilliant

Being on a bus

Buses are wonderful
Yes, they really are
I think their a lot better
Than traveling in a car

You have the wonderful conditions
All cramped and tight
It's even better when
Your journey is at night

The air conditioning is lovely
So quite and calm
And you can never find anything
Especially sweets or lib balm

The aisle is very spacious
Down it a marathon you could run
And the entertainment is brilliant
Busses are such fun

The tacky tinsel on the window
Adds to the glamourous effect
Bottles are constantly been thrown at you
That you have to be quick to deflect

The seats are just brilliant
Top quality stuff
And you clothes stay in perfect condition
No creases from collar to cuff

Personal space is overrated
Sitting next to strangers is great
Hey, if they offer you a sweet
You've found yourself a new best mate

So that's why I love busses
And the wonders that they are
But next time I think
I'd rather take the car... train, plane or any other form of transport

All I want for christmas is food....

Merry December everyone! It's not quite Christmas yet, people really do need to calm down with the Christmas decorations, but we're getting pretty close. I absolutely love Christmas, it's my favourite time of the year and as you only get about 80 you may as well make the most of every one.

The reason I love Christmas so much is not because of the presents or the cards, it's the atmosphere. It's the time of year that everybody is happy and gets into the spirit of things. For example, I am the worst singer in the world, even my mum says singing is not one of my 'greater talents' but I just can't help myself belting out a couple of Christmas songs through-out December. Also, I am dead set against anything tacky but come Christmas I am all for singing Santa's and dancing snowmen, after all Christmas is Christmas. Even my mum who comes from the rather posh end of York loves a good light up snow globe at Christmas.

I think people of my age tend to forget what Christmas is really about. They forget about being happy and being with their family, all they care about is what presents they get. Don't get me wrong I love Christmas presents but without them I am sure Christmas would still be my favourite time of year where as most teenagers 'wouldn't see the point', which is really sad. Also, they take advantage of Christmas. All year they walk around school saying "Oh yeah, Gods fake init" but as soon as it turns December they are perfectly happy to celebrate the birth of Gods son aren't they? I have nothing against atheists, but if your going to be one, stick to it.

Now, I have missed one vital element of Christmas out of my blog, THE FOOD. I love Christmas food, I love Christmas eve roast ham, I love cheese and crackers at Christmas day tea time, I love boxing day cold turkey but most of all I love Christmas dinner. I look forward to it all year, the turkey, the roast, the stuffing, pigs in blankets, carrots, Yorkshire puddings, cranberry sauce, everything really. I also love Christmas pudding and Christmas cake, they are proper food in my opinion.

So that was some of my thoughts on Christmas, merry Christmas to all and to all a good night- if you don't know where that line is from you haven't had a proper childhood, sorry.

*If you have read this blog and your not christian I hope you have a lovely winter, I hope it snows!*

Language GCSE's

This week I have to memorise a German passage for my exam next week. Whilst I was attempting to understand and memorise this very complicated language a thought came to me; It's not really a German exam is it? It's a memory test. We have to write the passage beforehand then our teacher is aloud to mark it so it's perfect German, then we have to memorise it. In the exam they even give you a dictionary! What is the point? If it was a real German test you would have to write the passage in the exam without a dictionary.

Obviously, I am not complaining, the easier the test is the better, I just think that the exam boards should stop and think what they are actually gaining from this part of the exam. Soon enough the colleges and sixth forms will catch on and a GCSE in German will be thought of as a GCSE in memorising.

While we are on the subject of GCSE's I think it's really wrong how my school (and most schools) force us to do a GCSE in a language. Don't get me wrong, I can see the benefits; it makes you a more rounded person, you have more career options and you will be able to travel more. Maybe I would have taken one out of choice. However, I think forcing you to do one isn't right, if I don't want a GCSE in German then why should I spend hours studying for one? I am never going to go to Germany, I have no wish to work in Germany, and I don't want to be a German teacher.

I'm defiantly not against Germany though, it's a very nice county with some lovely and talented people in, it's just not somewhere I want to be.

So in the space of two minutes we have gone from a GCSE in memorising to how talented the German people are. Welcome to my life.

**Note the same applies to GCSE's in French, Spanish and every other language. I'm not against the county, just the exam. **

Look down your noes at someone else.

Today I will be ranting about people who think they are better than you at something when they are not. For example, people who have just started playing an instrument who think they already semi professional at it and think they have the right to tell you what to do. It's SO annoying, I literally want to turn around and slap them. Obviously I don't because I would probably get kicked out of school and that does not look good on job applications.

The thing that irritates me the most is the fact that they look down at you and smirk when you get something wrong. I just really want to say "Oh! Go and look down your big noes at someone else". But I don't because, believe it or not, I'm actually nice to people's faces. I think they just need to look at themselves because half the time they aren't doing it right themselves.

While we're on the subject of people looking down on you, I also dislike people who talk down to you for no good reason. OK, I might not be the best at maths but I'm not that stupid, honest. Someone actually once said to me "Don't worry, you won't understand this".The cheek of it! It doesn't do your self esteem any good plus it's very disrespectful.

To be honest, it all comes down to people thinking that they have the right to say what they want to you because they have a little idea in their heads that they are better than you. Newsflash! Your not.

**On editing this Blog I realised that I jump from subject to subject a bit, sorry, this is what I'm like in real life**

Blogs, or lack of.

Recently I have not been doing any blogs. There are several reasons why...

Firstly, I had my maths GCSE last week and up until then I was revising and this week I have been getting over the shock that it wasn't actually that hard (if I was superstitious now I would say 'touch wood' but I'm not). Secondly, for the last few days I have had loads of ridiculous  homework, mainly Geography. I hate Geography. All we seem to learn about is rocks and long shore drift, I know there is a lot more to Geography which is why my lessons are so frustrating. Then when he gives us homework it pushes me over the edge, if I have to see another 'rocks and their uses' worksheet again I might do something drastic.

Anyway, where was I? Oh yes, why I haven't been blogging lately. Thirdly, my mother has got this  idea in her head that I have to do more 'work around the house'. It's really fustrating because whenever I'm in the middle of doing something, e.g blogging, she shouts up the stairs "Saraaaaaaah, could you just do me these dishes please?" Or "Saraaaaaah have you got a minute?". Parents eh? Who'd have them?

Fourthly, I have been Christmas shopping. I know it's only November but that is very nearly December and I'm not taking any chances. I do not want to be the friend that gives everyone a half price box of chocolates because they left it too late and all the shops had sold out of everything good. So this year I'm planning ahead and I have got the vast majority of my Christmas presents bought already, and a birthday present. Yes, one of my friends had the clever idea of being born at the end of November so I always end up buying her Christmas present and birthday present at the same time. It's such a pain.

Fithly, I.... Oh dear. My mum has just summoned me, I better go or I won't get fed later.

Until next time, over and out.

I bet I can get my noes higher

Well all have that one 'friend' that thinks they are better than everybody else, they think they were the best thing to ever happen to this Earth and you should be grateful to be in their presence. I am absoulty fed up of these people. Who do they think they are? Gliding around, their noes as high as the Eiffel tower passing comments about everything and anyone under the sun (or their noes).

They must think they have been given some special role in life, to rule over everyone else. Well, snobs of the world, I hate to break it to you but your just like us. Yes, you are no better than the commoners so I would start bringing your nose through the atmosphere now.

There are many reasons I can't stand snobs. Firstly, they can't do anything wrong can they? "Oh yes, I did fail my exam but it was the teachers fault" or "Yes, I did lose your money but tut wasn't my fault". They need to get over themselves seriously.

Secondly, they think their opinion is the flipping law. If they say something then that is the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth and no one else's opinion is important. For example they say "those shoes are horrible" then that is the final word. The shop may as well take them off the sheep because they have been deemed 'horrible' by some stuck up snob.

I could go on, I really could, but I have school tomorrow and I don't want to be deemed tired by the rules of all (the snobs).

Oh look there's a flying pig! Where?

People are taking everything in this word too seriously. I know my blogs can come across as somewhat offensive but I am never deliberately trying to offend anybody. My mother (who most of my blogs are about) has learned to see the funny side and now she actually gives me ideas about how I can poke fun at her. I apologise sincerely if I have offended anybody throughout any of my blogs, they are not meant literally, they are a teenagers view of life.

Please grow a sense of humor.

Oh the Joys of slimming clubs

When you enter into a slimming club it’s hard to know where to look first. Do you feast your eyes upon the ‘wonderful’ healthy food they have for sale? At, may I say, extortionate prices. Do you look at the people within this fine establishment? Such as the row of ‘ladies of a certain age’ gossiping about the dashing bloke from coronation street. Or, do you look at the ‘group leaders’? These people tend have a fixed fake smile on their face and get a little too enthusiastic about low fat yogurt. Finally, if you really wanted to, you could look at the rows of empty seats, put out in case people who actually have a social life decide to swing by, this I must add, is highly unlikely.
Once the meeting is underway things don’t improve much. A round of applause is given to Doris who has lost a stone, and now has the pleasure of choosing a sticker to attach to her tight fitted top (‘Ladies of a certain age’ really shouldn’t wear lycra’) And a standing ovation is given to dridre, who has reached her target weight (all I can say is, I wonder what she was like before?!). This ‘sharing of achievements’ session carries on quite smoothly from then on, there was a bit of an awkward silence when Peggy couldn’t pull her ‘I lost weight’ hoddie past her neck, put I have to say, she persevered and (eventually) got it on.

Next up is the ‘activity session’ this week they are ‘exploring ways to stay healthy at BBQs’ (they must really be scraping the bottom of the barrel for ideas now). Dridre starts off the discussion by saying she is going to compromise and only have seven sausages next time she has a bbq, this statement is followed by a gasp and a round of applause. Dorris then pipes up that she will "eat what she wants and burn her calorie counter on the bbq if she has to" Dorris is removed from the meeting. The group leader suggests that ‘We all try and balance out our meet with vegetables’ "RABBIT FOOD" shouts Dorris from outside the door, this is followed by another awkward silence. Peggy breaks the silence by suggesting that they all try and have a healthy drink such as water with their bbq, so as to balance out the calories. Her round of applause is interrupted by Dorris, who is now standing on the roof of her car, drinking a can of stella and singing ‘We will rock you’ when she sees everyone is watching her she makes a rather rude gesture, and then continues to break dance to the chorus. An uncomfortable rumble travels around the room and the discussion is abandoned.

The last part of the meeting is slightly predictable. The Group Leaders try and sell everyone ‘slimming club must haves’, these include special scales and a magazine about ‘making the right choices’ the older ladies lap up the products eagerly, I don’t think they understand the word ‘commission’. The group then disperses in an array of fiats and people carries. As for Dorris, she has been caution by the police, and as she puts it, is ‘to cool for slimming school’.

Lets Zumba our way out of this one...

*I must apologise for the lack of apostrophe in the title, for some reason blogger won't let me have one*

Zumba- A dance/fitness program inspired by Latin dance. Spanish slang for "to move fast and have fun

I hate Zumba, with a passion. It's basically a glorified fitness class where 'women of a certain age' go to 'keep fit'. My mother has started Zumba and she showed me some last night, it really is awful "Step, clap, step, shimmy" she chanted as she marched up and down the kitchen with no particular rhythm at all. Watching my 40+ year old mother trying to shimmy has scared me for life. She looked like a plonker, to put it mildly.

Now, I must say, I don't have a problem with people going to Zumba (unless they have teenage children who they could embarrass) , it's not up to me how people waste their time, but, I do disagree with how they sell it;
'Zumba is a great way to loose weight fast' - Erm, no it isn't, nobody I know has ever lost any weight.
'Feel the benefits straight away'- no, unless you count aching arms as a benefit.
'Qualifed instructor'- Excuse me, but what qualifications do you need to be a Zumba instructor?

Do you see what I mean? It is being sold as a new fitness craze when in fact it's nothing more than a social event. Plus, the women who go take cakes to eat afterwards. So, in effect they are 'burning calories' only to put them back on again... Surely I am not the only one who can see this?! Not that you burn any calories 'Zumbering' anyway, all you do is walk around a bit, clap your hands and touch your toes.

I was just thinking, it must be a strange sight watching people enter a Zumba class. I bet you can see middle aged women 'limbering up' which involves stretching their arms a couple of times then sitting down again because they "musn't over do it". And you can see an array of Zumba outfits ranging from tracksuit bottoms and hoodies to full on belly dancing outfits. Women over 50 shouldn't be aloud out of the house wearing that kind of thing. And then, once everyone is suitably dressed and 'limbered up' they all enter into the Zumba class, armed with their Good House Keeping magaizines and Inhalers.

Zumba- I know, it looks thrilling.

Who will leave the talent show this week? Let's ask the producers...

This is a rant. If you don't like rants then don't read it. Simple.

The X-factor must be fixed. I'm sorry to tell you but it is. This week a boy band went out. Why?! If you think about it logically, who is the main audience of the x-factor? Teenagers. What are half of those teenagers? Girls. What do teenage girls like? Boy bands. It doesn't make any sense. I bet the producers have it all planned out, who is going to leave when, when they are going to be in the bottom two against and which judges have to vote for each act. T.v is at it's worst.

Also, I am sick of 'double evictions'. I bet they only take place because the producers have just realised that they have one too many contestants for the number of weeks the show is running for and think to themselves, "Oh dear, we better get rid of an extra one this week". The other reason could be because X-factor's ratings are at an all time lower and they are now scraping the barrel for ideas to 'spice it up a bit'. I know X-factor! Why don't you just not run at all then we can all get on with our lives? I saw a rumour in a newspaper this week that next Saturday the judges are all going to swap categories. Are they really that desperate? Probably.

I am being a bit unfair to X-factor, all t.v talent shows are rubbish. Basically, they are a way for people to become 'famous' for all of six months, release an album, have it do quite well, release another album, have it do rubbish and then get dropped from their label. Their fame lasts about a year, max. They will then do a 'comeback tour' 5 years later, by that time everyone will have forgotten about them, so they won't sell any tickets, and then they find themselves back where they started. Working in a supermarket. Harsh but true.

The talent shows that start with z-list celebrities and try and make them famous again 'on ice' or 'dancing with a star' or 'in a jungle' are just weird. These people often did quite well in their day, so why on earth would they want to lower themselves to going on one of these talent shows is beyond me. Never mind, they can always come back the following year to judge it, I mentioning no names...

On the positive side, there is some good acts to have come out of talent shows, Diversity, Once Direction and JLS have all done well for themselves, which is great but the thing is, they could have done it without the show, it was just a way for them to get noticed.

So that's the end of my rant on talent shows, must dash, I'm halfway through my application form for 'The dancing on ice with a celebrity in the jungle factor'.

Well, this is interesting...

I am going to be honest, I am writing this blog to procrastinate. I am meant to be doing some maths revision but to be honest I can think of a more exiting way to spend my Friday afternoon. Later on I am going to see Jekyll and Hyde the pantomime at my local theatre. I always thought Jekyll and Hyde was quite a serious play so how they have turned it into  a pantomime I don't know. Anyway, we have to go in Halloween fancy dress. Oh dear. I had absolutely nothing to wear until I found some pink tights with spiders on them that I forgot to wear last year in my wardrobe. Problem solved. So I am wearing a black dress, some tights that are now too small and a hat that has been in my wardrobe for so long it is all bent. I am sure I will win best dressed.

My friend Aimee is going to an actual party tonight so yesterday I kindly offered to help her make a costume. It was rather a success. We took one of her dad's old shirts and covered it in blood. Not real blood obviously, we used a mixture of crayon, red paint, red nail polish and glitter to create the full effect. We then cut around the edges to make it look like it had been ripped and then I signed it. Because it was my idea. I would put a picture on but you don't get the full effect unless someone is wearing it and because I listen in I.T I know you shouldn't put pictures of yourself on the Internet. I don't really know why... I stopped listening after 5 minutes.

By the way, if you read my last blog I need to tell you something... my pumpkin has died. It went all mouldy and stuff started to grow on it. It's now in it's final resting place- the bin.

I know this blog isn't very interesting, but hey, it's better than maths!

How to carve a pumpkin

On Friday I carved my very first pumpkin, on my own. Obviously, I have done them before but my mum insists on supervising ever since the incident with my brother and the knife. I better explain or you will think I just go around stabbing people. Basically, I was drying the dishes and my little brother was annoying me, I started shouting at him and as it happens I was just about to put away a knife. So I was shouting at my brother whilst holding a knife. Personally I don't see what all the fuss is about, there was no need for all that screaming.

Anyway, so since that day I have never been trusted alone with knives but on Friday at rangers (when you get to old for girl guides) we carved pumpkins so I thought I was finally going to get one. I was wrong. They made us carve pumpkins with spoons! Why on Earth they couldn't just have given us knives is beyond me.

So, on Friday night, spoon at the ready I set about carving my pumpkin. It's not as easy as it looks. When I first drew my 'design' (a smiley face) onto the pumpkin with a pen I thought it was going to be easy so I did a lot of detail on the eyes (eyelashes) and a lot of detail on the mouth (teeth). I was proud of my design and couldn't wait to start carving.

Within the first few minutes of carving my hand had slipped so my pumpkin man had a lovely scar in between his eyes. So, not to be put off I changed it so he looked like he was wearing a pair of glasses. Be it a very large pair of glasses. Unfortunately, his eyes didn't turn out the shape I was intending, or the size, and they were completely different to each other. I thought it made him look quirky- my friends disagreed.

The mouth went quite well considering  my newly found lack of talent for pumpkin carving. I just did it in one massive block, so it's a very large, square mouth. But I was pleased with it. I had now finished my pumpkin and when everyone lined there's up I can safely say mine stood out. All be it for the wrong reasons.

When I got home I asked my mum if she was proud of me. She replied, I will always be proud Sarah, you tried your best. I'm not sure she was keen on my pumpkin.

All hail Sarah's pumpkin, with it's large glasses and square (ish) mouth.

Blog block!

Hello everyone! Having a bit of trouble with the old blogging lately, I can't think of anything at all interesting to write about...

Today I went to Towyn, Wales. We went to look at the rocks. Did we look at the rocks? No we did not. We walked up and down the beach, got freezing cold and soaking wet, had some vial chips and then sat in a traffic cham for an hour on the way back. I hate school trips, you never have enough time, it always rains and it's always boring. I'm off to the zoo tomorow, two trips next to eachother, my school's so un-organised. Anyway, we have to wear our uniform to the zoo, honestly, what is the world coming to? Can't the teachers see that we are all going to come back smelling of animal dung and covered in mud? No, they can't, because they're alright in their waterproof trousers and wellies (gumboots) aren't they? Stupid teachers. If it were up to me there would be no teachers at all or the students would choose the teachers, maybe then we would get some human ones.

So that's the end of my pointless ramble because I couldn't think of anything to write about blog. If it's possible I hope you found it a tiny bit interesting?

Not even a tiny bit?

No? Fair enough

Unicycles and me

I love unicycles, in my opinion they are the best form of transport. Rushing through the open countryside, the wind blowing your hair as you glide along on your unicycle. Or not as the case may be. Try wobbeling around on the seat holding on the park railing for dear life.

 I love unicycles, don't get me wrong but I do find them... rather challenging shall we say. My first encountor with a unicycle came last Sunday. My friend Ellie was practically wizzing round on her's so I though, how hard can it be? Within five minutes I was all helmeted up and ready for action. The first challenge came when I had to try and get on the thing. Turns out there is quite a knack to it, although by the end of the day I was rather good at getting on, having fallen off so much, every cloud eh? Anyway, after several (hundred) attempts I finally sat on the unicycle, I was grabbing onto the park railings to keep myslef upright but I was definatly sitting on it.

Next it came to riding the thing, having watched Ellie for a few times I was confident I would be ok. I pushed the left pedal forwards, anticipating my first taste of riding a unicycle untill... thud. The unicycle went from undearneath me and I was stood, still holiding onto the railings, unicycleless. How embarrasing. However, I lost my dignity completly that day, considering how many times I fell off.

About half an hour later I could finally rotate the pedals once. What an achiment. Ellie by this time was wizzing around the park with no trouble at all. The rest of the people in the park gazed in awe at Ellie and laughed openly at me. Once I could do one roation I had a bit of a learning spurt and I was doing quite well, if I don't say so myself. Of course, my hands were sore from grabbing onto the railing so much. What? Did you think I was making all this progress un-aided? Of course not, the railings were there the whole time, I couldn't even sit on it without them. At one point I did manage to do a hundreth of a metre with one hand on Ellie's shoulder but I think it did her shoulder more harm than good...

Nearing the end of my unicycle experience I decided that I asked Ellie if she thought I could do it without the helmet she replied "No Sarah, I don't think that would be a good idea". So then we went home, Ellie unicycled the whole way, I was deemed to slow and unsafe for the roads. Charming.

I think the unicycles of the world are now glad I have finished... until next time unicycles, goodbye.

On a side note I must add, one improvment I would make to the unicycle, add another wheel. Several other wheels.

Being Ill is like... Well... Being ill I suppose

*cough, sneeze, cough, cough, sneeze*

No, that's not some new form of rap (but it wouldn't suprise me) that is in fact what I have been doing all day. What have I done to deserve this? Why, why why? Maybe it's because I didn't make my bed last week? Maybe it's because I wrote a blog about wardrobe doors and now their out to get me? Maybe it's because the whole world hates me and have sent be this terrible punishment? Who knows....

I hate being ill. Firstly, it's so inconvient, I have a science test on friday and I could do with revise thankyou mr immune system. I also can't get out of bed, how am I ment to steal buscuits if I can't get to the kitchen?

Secondly, everyone is makes fun of me. My dad had now nick named me 'snotty' and my brother finds it funny to hide my tissues, although he soon realsied that was a mistake... If you know what I mean.

Thirdly, all food tastes the same. It's horrible. Yesterday mum made a lovely pie for tea but it tastes the same as my ceral, which tasted the same as my sandwich. Dad tried to explain to me why but I lost interest after 'antibodies'.

Finaly, no, I'm going to stop now, I need to blow my nose.

P.s sorry if this blog was a bit too much information.

Actualy, i'm not sorry, deal with it.

Woah! being ill does put you in a bad mood!

How to be popular, without the popular

'Popular people' are the type of people who think they are popular, they're not but we let them think that because they're brains wouldn't cope with anything else. I have one or two other names for this group, however this blog is family friendly.

To qualify for this group you need loads of makeup and very little skirt. You also need to get drunk every friday night (classy) and you have to have an IQ of about -10000000.

Anyway, once you have qualified for the group your going to need a nickname. I could come up with one... No, as I said, this is a family friendly blog. You are also going to need an expensive bag that you stole the money for and if anyone else has this bag you must give them as many dirty looks as you can. You also need some dodgey hair extensions and cheap shoes and your good to go.

Now you look 'popular' you need to act it. Note, I said act because you're not really like this, you're just putting on a show. You need to be arrogant, pushy and a huge show off. Easy enough? Brillant! Your going to be a wonderful 'popular' person. So off you trot to the subway where you can smoke and drink to your hearts content.

Oh! I almost forgot! Make sure you call revising stupid and fail all your gcse's that will get you off to a great start in your career in a fast food restraunt. Alternativly, you could just watch daytime tv all day, after all you have so many 'issues'.

If you don't 'get' this blog I am pleased to inform you that you are already a 'popular' person and don't need to worry your ugly little head about it.

Wardrobe doors and me.

Me and wardrobe doors do not get on. Actualy, no, I make an effort to be friends they just don't like me. The thing is they always have to be awkward. For example, if it is two in the morning and I have accidently forgotten to do my homework and I need my book out of my wardrobe they are always closed. So, when I open them I make such a noise I wake everyone up (I'm not actualy that bothered about that, it's more that I fet found out for not doing my homework). They often make it twice as awkward my getting something stuck behind themseleves so they won't open without a lot of fuss.

However, if it has been a long day and I have just climbed into tp my lovely warm bed, they are open, as wide as a black whole. So I have to drag myself out of bed to close them, and believe me they don't close without a fuss. I think they know that I can't sleep with them open so as soon as they see me getting into bed theh turn into ninjas and open.

So there you are, wardrobe doors hate me, and that is the end of this very interesting blog.

P.s Dear wardrobe doors,
I never liked you anyway.

Pointless sports and a bit of a ramble....

I am finally happy with the layout of my blog! I am now very tired and want to go to bed but to show my dedication to this blog I am going to stay awake.

Today I had maths, please refer to my blog about maths to understand the length of my hatred to this subject. I also had PE and we did volley ball, what a load of rubish. Basicaly 'vollying' is what you do when your playing netball and you can't catch the ball and you end up awkwardly flapping your arm about until you smack the ball and make your hand sore. Vollying is in no way an actual technical term and it's not even a skill, you just smack the ball. The other rule I don't understand is about passing it around to your team-mates on your own side of the net it's not natrual. They spend all year last year in tennis explaining we could not hit the ball to our own doubles partner (how was I supposed to know?) and we had to hit it over the net. Now they are just going back on themsleves. Well that's teachers for you.

Another pointless sports include:

-Rugby- it is too stopy and starty, plus it's violent and all the men need a nose job when they retire.
-Swimming- *yawns*
-Football- overpaid men kicking a ball around a feild. Simple as. When you play it in PE it's underpaid slaves pretending to kick a ball around the feild.
-Archery- ...there is boredom and then there is Archery... Zzzzz
-Gymnastics- I am sure that goes against all health and safety laws over written.
-Netball- it's a sport, which implys you have to run, but your not aloud to run *bangs head on desk*

And many many more (believe me I have loads)But, on the positive side I do like hockey it gives you an exuse to hit people that you don't like with a big stick. Perfect.

p.s I am not trying to offend any one who plays any of these sports, how you waste your time is no concern of mine.

Sorry!

I am sorry my blog is having a bit of an identity crisis looks wise at the moment! I tried to change it but i ran out of time! I will sort it out as soon as i can. I hope it doesn't distract you from my rants ;)

Well this is very exiting

Hopefully, this blog will have been sent here by email! Isn't that clever. Technolgy really does amaze me sometimes, imagine that, I can blog from school, from my ipod, anywhere really. Wow. Mind=blown better make some effort to say something interesting in this blog so... I am currently working on my english cousework called why i hate cash in the; when i have done and it has been sent off i will put it on here. If i put it on now i will get accused of copying- off myself. Stupid rules. I hate rules, but that my friend is another blog. So goodbye from this very tech wiz blog. (i do appologise for the spelling errors, as my email has no spell check and for the lack of captital i's, Apple are capable of creating such amazing technology but not making an auto capital thingy. We live in a damaged world my friends

The year 7 that almost didn't live.

Today our new year 7s joined our form. At first they look cute and sweet. Think again. Today I had a a run in with a year 7 that nearly cost him both legs.

Basically, we thought he hadn't turned up to form so I was sent (I did NOT volunteer) to go and look for him. I trecked round and round the school searching every nook and cranny for what I thought was an innocent little boy. It was raining and I was wet through, but I was determined to find him. As form time drew to a close I retreated to my classroom, saddened with failure. As I walk into the room, the 'inocent' year 7 is sitting in the classroom reading him 'welcome to high school' leaflet.

I was furious, apparently he didn't answer his name because he didn't know what to say. I was livid, if he wasn't a year 7 he would have lost him head, legs and both arms.

Anyway, it's safe to say I was not best pleased with this little boy and I shall never, ever, 'help' a year 7 again.

The Airport

Recently (last week) I went on holiday (hence the lack of blogs) and I realised how fascinating airports are, so I decided to write a blog about them.

When you enter the departures part of an airport (usually having been dropped off by an overpriced taxi) you are greeted by a sea of people. Literally, there is people everywhere, fat people, thin people, tall people, ginger people, happy people, foreign people and that one person who thinks they were put on this earth to complain about everything (I will let you decide weather this is me or not).

Firstly, you have to have your bags checked in, the people on these desks seem to be people of few words so, instead of saying "Whereabouts are you traveling to today?" They say "Where?" This is very confusing because 'Where?' could mean anything.

Next, you have to go through security, the people here have even less words, instead of saying "please go through the scanner" they just point. When I went on holiday last week we had to take off our shoes and have them scanned. What a load of rubbish. As if you would put a bomb in your shoe. I nearly stated by opinion but we were in Liverpool airport so I wouldn't have been able to understand anybodies response.

Finlay, you complete security and go through to the wonderful land of duty-free, it's like a white, perfume smelling heaven. Then all you have to do is get on the cramped bus to the aeroplane and enjoy the flight. Well, not me personally, I hate flying, it just doesn't seem natural to me and I feel very unsafe. If the engine failed in a car you would just stop if an aeroplane engine failed... splat.

The School Show part 2

1 hour until the curtain rises
Exitey is bouncing up and down in the 'dressing room' he has been kicked out of the dwafs gang for not being 'cool enough' since then he has knocked over three tables and six chairs, the teachers start to wish he was back in the gang. Snow white is having a case of last minute nerves and has had to be taken for some fresh air, this caused an argument between the teachers about which one would go with her, hence leaving the chaos riden dressing room. The front end of the horse's mother rang in earlier saying that he has the flu, so now prince charming has to double up as a horse, he is not best pleased, neither is the back end of the horse, who is twenty cm taller than the prince and now has to bend down throughout the whole performance to avoid snow white looking like she's on a deformed camel.

10 minutes until the curtain rises

Whilst snow white was having some fresh air she fell over so now her 'white as snow' skin was covered in nasty red cuts and smeared with blood, unfortunately, the narrator threatened to quit if the script was changed again so she had to borrow price charming's white tights, neither are happy about the arrangement. The dwafs Happy and Sneezy were sent out to greet the audience and then soon were told to retreat, as Happy had been showing off his colorful language and yet again, sneezy had been taking his role rather literally.

Act one

Snow white opens the show with her solo love song, but forgets the words halfway through so decides to switch to Boom Boom Pow, this was frowned upon by most of the audience apart from her dad, who decided to rap along, he then had to stop as he was spilling his can of beer.The performance ran smoothly for a while until snow white got to her horse. The back end suddenly was desperate for the toilet, and simply couldn't wait. A large puddle appeared onto the stage, most of the parents started to tut and frown apart from snow whites dad, who had perhaps had one to many cans of beer, he stood up and shouted 'Well that’s what horses do ain't it?'. He was then removed from the performance whilst the puddle was mopped up because it was obvious clumsy was going to slip in it.

The interval

Grumpy was sent around selling ice creams, sneezy had volunteered for the job, but for obvious reasons he wasn't aloud. Snow white had her bandages changed by brokey, who considered herself an expert in the field, clumsy challenged this and a fight broke out. They then had a race to see who could put a plaster on themselves the fastest, the teacher was about to stop them but she didn't have the energy, so she went to wake sleepy up who was exhausted after all the yawning he had been doing.

Act 2

The second half started smoothly, until snow white refused to eat the 'Poisoned Apple' because she didn't like fruit, this resulted in the wicked witch ramming it into her throat. Unfortunately, snow white choked on the apple and was rushed of stage, after slamming her on the back a couple of times the teacher called an ambulance and snow white was taken to A&E. But, the show must go on, so after some improvisation the play resulted in Prince Charming marrying the Wicked Witch and all the dwafs were bridesmen. At the end of the evening, the parents took home their 'little darlings' and snow whites father was taken into custody.

The teachers need a stiff gin.

The School Show part 1

“I need the toilet miss”, every teacher has heard these fatal words during a school show, and every teacher has chosen to ignore these words and suffer the disastrous consequences. School shows are a bit of a disaster all round really aren’t they? A normal school show usually goes a bit like this:
3 weeks before opening night
Teachers start to put together a script for the performance, and let’s face it, the play is normally chosen because it has enough parts, not because it is any good. Otherwise teachers have an awful habit off adding parts in, Cinderella can have up to five ugly sisters and red riding hood can have have plenty of multi coloured sisters. Snow white is quite popular amongst teachers because plenty of parts can be invented and they still have the script from last year.

2 weeks before opening night

Rehearsals for the big performance have begun, as per usual the teachers haven’t left nearly as much time as they needed to practice, so as a result large chunks are removed from the play. In this particular production, snow white has 12 vertically challenged friends, new recruits include, thirsty, exitey and brokey (conviently played by a little girl with a broken leg). The children are already arguing about which parts they have been given, a boy is throwing a strop because he has been cast as grumpy, and the wicked witch is now staying in at break, for cursing at the teachers. Of course, the super enthusiastic headteacher simply puts this down to ‘getting into character’ the teachers aren’t to sure, especially when happy started using some rather colourful language. The script has had to be changed to ‘Hair as yellow as sand’ because the only girl in the class with black hair has gone on holiday.

1 week before opening night

The teachers have issued a letter explaining what the children will need to wear for the performance. Only two hours after the letter was sent out, a teacher has received an angry email from a parent saying she cannot possibly find a plain white t-shirt for her son to wear with only a weeks notice. The teacher emailed politely back, reminding the parent that the school p:e t-shirts were plain white, which is precisely why the children had been asked to wear one. The teacher has learned to keep costumes simply ever since Juliet broke her arm in her high heels a few years ago.

5 Days before opening night
With only ‘four more sleeps’ until the big performance the rehersals are getting pretty intense. The scenery is currently being painted by the students who have not got a big part in the play, this was a mistake because the boy who was painting the forest was colour blind so now snow white travels through a forest of pink trees and orange grass, not to mention the black sunlight shining upon her. The back end of snow whites horse has caught the flu so the colour blind boy has been promoted, before he paints anything else.

1 day before opening night

Tragically snow white has caught the back end of the horse’s flu and the only girl willing to step up to the role is ginger. So, yet again the script has to be changed, this time to “Hair as orange as an orange” doesn’t quite have the same ring to it does it? This change has caused great annoyance from the narrator, who spend “all of estenders” learning his lines. Fortunately for the teacher, he is to young to understand sarcasm. During the dress rehersal sleepy announced he had forgotten his dressing gown. The teacher said to him “You can’t just announce things like that! What would you do if this happened in the real thing?” The boy replied “Sorry miss, I would project my voice more” The teacher opens her mouth to tell him off, then gives up and goes to refresh sneezys tissues, who has been taking his role rather literally.

5 hours before opening night

Unfortunately, the new snow white is about a stone heavier than her predecessor so her costume has to be drastically changed, lets just say the safety pin business has nothing to worry about. The microphones have arrived and the main characters are 'miced up' the prince charming decided to test his by saying all the rude words he can, the teacher threatened to take his part away, but then had to revoke this threat as she realised that no one else knew his lines, or would fit into his costume. The twelve dwarfs have formed a gang and have started terrorising the 'dressing rooms' (two classrooms), unfortunately clumsy has to leave the gang as his hat kept falling off.

Keep reading to find out what happens when the curtain rises...

Trains

Going on a train can be a very stressful experience, let's start at the beginning, and buying your ticket. You can go on a website to book your ticket, I find this option easier because I can not, for the life of me, understand what people at the station are on about when they talk about changes and platforms etc. Anyway, so imagine your on the website, you have to put in where you departing from and where you want to go to, this sounds easier, but believe me, it isn't. Say I wanted to go to London, I can't just say 'London' I have to put in the exact train station I want to go to, this is very confusing, all cities should just have one train station. Usually, I just pick the one with the best name.

Once you have eventually bought your ticket and performed a miracle of getting your printer to print it then you are all set to go. In theory. Once you have got to your departing station you have to find out which platform your train leaves from, so you have to squint at the minuscule print of the timetable and try and work out which train is yours. On finding out which platform you are, you then have to find the platform, often, you are standing on one platform and you can see the other on the other side of the tracks, but you cant get to it. So you have to ask the gaud, who speaks in absolute gobldygloob so you may as well have not bothered. And often, I don't.

Finally, you are on the train, and, personally, I get very worried about weather I should leave my personal belongings behind or weather I should report suspicious behaviour, I wish there was an announcement that could help everyone. There is also always one person who has to have that extra loud conversation on the train, just to annoy everyone I'm sure, or maybe, the train companies employ them to try and get people off the trains quicker, now there’s a thought....

The journey home is normally quite straight forward, once you have got on the correct train, at the correct time. I always find it really annoying how trains are always at times like 19:51 or 13:16 why can't they be on normal times? Anyway, half the time the trains aren't on time, because of repairs or staff shortages, how can that be? What little boy doesn't want to be a train driver?

So that's by rant on trains and remember, please don't leave any personal belongings behind and have a safe journey onwards.

...After writing that I realised just how patronising it sounds...

Maths

You might have remembered, I mentioned before that I hate maths. That is an understatement. I can not stand maths at all and if it was a person then I would have shot it, a long long time ago. Now, I’m not someone who goes around hating just for the sake of it, so, here is why I hate maths....

Firstly, I do not see the point of it all! I can't see when I’m ever going to need to use a Histogram or a cumulative frequency graph (don't ask). Personally, I don't see why I have to study something that I’m never going to use, surely I would be better learning about how to get a job, or how to buy a house, even how to capture an enemy aircraft would be more useful than maths.

Secondly, I can't do it. I was ok when it was just adding and subtracting, but as soon as you get to high school BANG! Now its all formulas and frequency. I'm ashamed to say it but I now miss doing times tables.

Thirdly, I dislike maths teachers. It seems to me that people who are good at maths can't teach it that well because they can't understand why people can't do it. They also talk about things way to fast and in a foreign language. I just want to say "In English please?"

Fourthly, maths has stolen letters off English. In my opinion, numbers are for maths and letters are for English they shouldn't mix. Letters in maths are also very confusing because the teaches says "X is unknown" and I think "It's not unknown, you have just said, it's X" And, maths people have a terrible habit of mixing the letters together so you end up with XY and ZQ, this doubles my confusion.

Fifthly... No, I’m sure your fed up of hearing me rant by now, I bet I’m boring you more than maths bores me...

Wait, let's not go that far.

Me, Myself and I

Hi there! My name is Sarah (aka Sahara) and I am 14 years old (I bet you  didn't see that introduction coming). This is my blog called Teenage Daze (not that you didn't already know that, you clicked on it), I’m going to be writing about my observations of everyday life and I am going to try and make them rather funny.

A bit about me...
I live in a very unexciting place (Earth) with my Mum, Dad and little brother, I am sure they will feature quite regularly in this blog. My dog Eddie also lives with us, or should I say, we live with Eddie, he practically runs the place! I have been doing ballet since I was three and please don't say ballet is just for girls or you will have an argument with me and you will loose. I play the saxophone (a very cool instrument) and I play in the local orchestra (that’s not as sad as it sounds, promise.) You should also know, that much to my mothers dismay, I am never short of an opinion.

My Writing...
I started writing at home a couple of years ago and I was inspired to write funny (I hope) stuff by Robert Crampton (a columnist for the Times Magazine). I am currently working on a novel called 'The Secret Diary of an Argumentative Teenager' (I’m never sure which words have capital letters in that title). I also write short stories, for father’s day I wrote one for my dad called 'The undercover life of a middle aged man' and one for my mums birthday called 'Grumpy old woman'.

So that’s the end of my first blog. I will now spend the rest of my evening doing my maths homework (pointless subject) and fishing out my school uniform for tomorrow (I’m sure my tights hide from me deliberately), oh the joys of
being a teenager.